#resslington metas&essays

[resslington-is-my-otp]

This essay is sponsored by the essays on gay subtext in Tarantino movies. The beauty of the subtext is being there, adding another layer to the characters’ dynamics.

Red and Ressler’s relationship in s9

“She wanted a life with you.”

These words have stuck with me (some of my mutuals now may have fun imagining my facial expression at that moment), and got me thinking.

The curiosity of "how can I fit this into that and come satisfied on another end" got the best of me.

That scene between Red and Ress. It was everything—even if I'm not agreeing with the "Ressler has been in love with Liz all this time" idea—I had expected it to be. The vocabulary was somewhat less colorful and lacked weight, but the most important things these two have said with their eyes. These two have invented the nonverbal communication.

But, being a picky little shit I am, I'm not sure if it's in Ressler's character to deliver that kind of speech. Honestly, I'd watch him punch Red or point his gun at him (no, not that gun, a real one). This blame-shifting isn't gonna make it easier, and it just feels so... Hypocritical. And I absolutely hate that shit, in any form or shape. It stinks of Ressler trying to whitewash himself. Which is so bleh and ugh. Plus, we've already had a character who'd keep telling how everything was Red's fault (and, to an extent, it was, I don't deny it).

The bitter truth is that Red, Ress, and Liz have fucked up—Liz and her own choices can't also be disregared. I do agree that without Red she would've lived a more or less happy life. But hey, can you bet your money no one from her mom's or dad's past would learn who she really is and come looking for her? Red, just like Liz when digging Kat's, has dug some skeletons out of the closet. He had good intentions, but, as we all know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Yet, my point is, it's everyone's fault. Choices and consequences. And neither of them—Red, Don, Liz—was ready (maybe, Red, since he is the most mature of them all, knows the real price of those choices; that's why he tries to hard to protect Liz from making them but she makes them anyway) when those consequences of their choices had bitten them in the ass.

I have always thought that Red possesses an uncanny resemblance to Dorian Gray. Of course, Dorian had spilled his wish accidentally, but Red—he had sealed the pact with a metaphorical devil in exchange of power knowingly. He might have not realized at that time the cost but he was hungry for power, so "all is good and fair at war".

“She wanted a life with you.” Notice the voice play here, how Red accentuates the “you”, and then hold his gaze on Ressler. He never averts his eyes. Why would he do that if this phrase was meant to cheer Ress up or to honor Liz's memory? And why wouldn't he have said that he's sorry? Or just turn from Ressler and stare into the sky in the window, tearing up?

And boy, do I have quite a theory on that.

Red's facial expression, teary eyes, and the way he utters those words scream to me “regret”.

Regret for how it has turned out (for him and for Donald), for his own choices, miscalculations, mistakes... Ressler first seems confused, and only a moment after it hits him, the meaning behind the words. You can see a glimpse of realization in his eyes, teary as well.

To me, it's not just about Liz or whatever she might have planned or not to have with Ressler. As far as I'm concerned, there could have been another way of delivering this knowledge to Ressler through Red's lips.

This scene isn't about Ressler, it's about Red. It's about him coping with what pain he's caused and what he took—from Ressler. And from Liz too. But mostly, it's all about him, his ego. The old man is such a egotistical bastard, but hey, that's why we love him. Do we though?

Now, I'm not sure if Liz has ever disclosed her intimate desire to build a new life with Ressler (I can put aside my disbelief and question the mere why would she talk about this with the person she has spent what, three seasons and change trying to kill/put in a jail/reveal his secret?), but even if she had...

I have no doubt that the way Red had been acting—choosing Liz to run the empire, keeping her by his side for protection—is a testament of how much he loves her (any shipping or non-shipping goggles are welcome).

And yet—it’s egoistic of him—she's grown enough to be on her own, and he's having her on a leash. Yeah, yeah, the leash is quite loose, but still it's a leash. I'm not saying she doesn't have her own head to make decisions but she isn't completely free either.

But Ressler? He is something else.

Remember how Red jokes about Ress being bent but not quite bent? I think this is what makes all the difference. Yes, the writers made Ressler a fool for fEeLs or whatever, but if we just forget that and look at Ressler not as a simp but like his usual self, it makes sense. Red can't prevent him from digging the things (Liz also couldn't) about Katarina. He can't order him not to—which is ironical given the fact that all his life Ressler has been taking orders.

Red is basically a nobody to him, not a figure of authority. I do think a part of Ress respects him, in a way, and is grateful for what he did for him over the years, but that's it—as much as I love my headcanons, there are times I need to take into account a character's personality. An unedited, untouched by anyone, raw core.

Ressler has always been a hound. A truth seeker. A dog on a scent, if you please. A wild card. Truth matters to him a great deal (he puts it first, even the love of his life will come second)—even if it has disastrous consequences.

His inner conflict has always been there. It lacked resolution, lacked depth, but alright.

He's an idealist who exists in a imperfect world, where the cobwebs of half-truths are glorified. No one is interested in doing the right thing (maybe except the victims of the cases he investigates)—even the system he has been relying so much on, has proved to be rotten to the core. And he's forced to put up with it every single day. In a way, his job has been a way of asserting the right order—the truth will prevail, no matter what. And it does, to a certain degree.

Everything is peachy until Red is in the picture. Forget surrendering—Ressler has been hunting for him most of his career. For Ress, Red is the embodiment of how far the deceit and lies can take you.

Ressler doesn't realize at first that unlike others, Red is perfectly aware of the price he's paying. I'm not sure he realizes it even after “The sins should be buried” either. It's a very delicate matter, and, Ressler, fortunately or not, isn't a delicate man, but a man of blunt force, sharp judgement, and action.

I'm not saying he's an emotionless steel and a complete dumbass. I'm just saying, he's not gonna pick the undertones and nuances with his rational thinkbox. Subconsciously—probably.

However, when he tries to analyze (which is pointless, but hey, it's Ressler for ya, he's gonna try dissecting even the chemistry of attraction), when he lets himself to feel—it messes him up. So he figures better shut it, keep on a lock, and never open.

If we juxtapose Liz and Ressler approaching the truth hunt, we'll see that while Liz is led by personal motives—to find truth for her own self-comfort, Ressler's looking for the truth because “honesty is the best policy.” Except when it's not.

Better bitter truth than sweet lies.

And Red, being a bastard and a pathological liar he is, also can be brutally honest.

Did you ever notice that while Red can deceive Ressler-an-Agent, he never actually lies to Ressler-a-human-being? Especially when it comes to personal things? Involving loss or grief? Or any kind of emotional hurricane? Ressler has never believed Red, and he's right not to, but Red has always been honest with him.

Just like he's brutally honest with him now, “She wanted a life with you.”

It's a devastating, crushing statement, and it's not meant to console Ressler. It's meant to hurt. Red wants Ressler to hurt again because he himself is still in pain too (even if he wears a mask of “I've found my inner peace”).

Honesty is the best policy, huh?

Red has never stopped hurting (I don't believe in what the show is trying to sell us)—and he 100% blames himself not only for failing Liz and not being honest with her (he genuinely believed he was protecting her—again, a self-confidence and a selfish move), but also failing to stop Ressler from assisting Liz. He overlooked the coup d'etat plotting right under his nose.

...Or he refused to believe in it?

And,—subconsciously or not—he wants to rub the salt into Ressler's wound, opening it up again to bleed.

Is it cruel?

Yes.

Is it messed up?

Hell yeah it is.

But it's perfectly justifiable on Red’s end. An eye for an eye. Just as Red has failed Liz, Ressler has failed her too—where was his head when he needed to bring her in? Certainly not on his shoulders.

So Red is doing what any hurt human being would do—he projects his own suffering onto Ressler. He isn't blaming him directly, voicing it. Doesn't need to—Liz’s demise is hanging over them like a guillotine blade.

Don't tell me you've perceived Reddington as a crusader for the greater good and the savior of the day.

“I’m a violent man.” Violence isn't just physical, it can be emotional. Red’s business is based on dealing with all kinds of people. He knows exactly where to hit to cause the damage, to play on people's shame and guilt.

Their interaction with Ressler is the exchange on the most visceral level between the two men who are strikingly different by their nature and yet ridiculously similar in everything else.

And yet, once again—

why would Red be so cruel to Ressler? Knowing—like no other—what this man has been through?

Red never had been so cruel to him after Audrey died. In fact, he had been more than understanding and caring to Ressler at the time than he is now.

So why such a change?

An infamous 8x4 comes to mind.

“Boy, she played you.”

Forget for a moment Red is taunting Donald. Look beyond the words, beyond the meaning.

Red is hiding his hurt pride behind the irony.

He’s hurt by Ressler aligning against him with somebody else.

Red, has never actually played against him—against Ressler-a-human-being. Screw the FBI, but Red has never did something which would have consequences for Ressler personally.

The way Red taunts Ressler about the “matters of the heart”—Raymond is borderline hysterical, laughing in Ressler’s face. When watching it first time, I found that odd because Red may be mean to Ress but he’s never cruel. And that felt so personal—the way Red phrases it, and his tone, his voice, laughing…

And then—Eureka!—it’s a classic case of defensive mechanism.

Red’s right—Liz has used Ress. It looks like Red’s talking more to himself, “Boy, she played you.” She used him first, played him like a fiddle, hit all the weak spots. And she also has played Red too.

Red is amused—not by Liz, not by unsuspecting Don, but at the hilariousness of the situation. And at himself—for not being able to predict it. Or ignoring it? I assume, his respect for Donald has died a little at that time. And yet, I'm guessing he perfectly understood why Don has fallen into the trap.

If you listen long enough to “with you” phrase like I did, you'll notice subtle jealousy in it. Just a bit—encapsulated within “you”. Spader is a master at subtleties.

Just a sting of jealousy.

Red is jealous because Liz wanted not to be in his world (yet because of the circumstances and her own choices as well, she was sucked her right back in to) but to exist separately from him (think about parents-child separation, think about a possessive lover-lover separation). And maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if she *allegedly* chose someone else.

A short trip to s5 arc with Henry Prescott.

Can we establish that Ressler has chosen someone else behind Red’s back? And yes, I did say “chose”. Ressler could've surrendered but he cowardly kept doing and hating on himself. What they had going on with Henry is another story for another day.

And Red, although being aware of it for some time (problematic content alert), has decided to watch how far it can go? It never say right with me because...he watched him doing all kinds of things, things Ressler’s nature wasn’t meant to do, and Ressler had probably was in constant physical pain and spent puking his guts out in the bathroom. It's mental—to watch someone suffer, have the means to stop it but not using them just because you have the luxury of waiting for how it all plays out. And when Red felt that enough is enough, he chooses the most horrible way to show Ressler what happens to people who hurt him personally. I'd say, it was a lesson for Ress too.

The way of killing Henry was so damn personal—Red was jealous and hurt by Don not turning to him for help when he had explicitly offered it. Cue legendary “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” Only this time, Ressler had actually refused and royally fucked up his life.

Now, back to our plane and Red and his own matters of the heart.

My working theory is, this wouldn't hurt so much if this was another man.

But it's Donald.

Donald whom Reddington has repeatedly called his friend. Donald whom Red has helped more than once. Donald, who assists Liz in her search and, whether he wants it or not, is indirectly putting the bullet into that gun that would take her life.

A friend’s betrayal may be even more poisonous than husband/wife infidelity. It hurts more because after Dembe, Donald is the second person Red has ever considered a close friend. He genuinely admires the man.

But Ressler has betrayed him. “Value loyalty above all else.” Ressler is only loyal to his own moral compass—just like Red is, but Red has forgotten that.

“You must be slipping.”

“I must be.”

Let this sink in—Ressler is the only living soul to stay alive after betraying Red. And not once, mind you. Red would've already shot somebody be it another.

I'm loving Ressler’s confused look after Red falls silent—because Donald has no idea how lucky he is to even breathe.

The way Red's gaze lingers over Donald’s face now makes so much sense.

...What if all this time Red has been developing certain feels he wasn’t supposed to have for Ressler?

Think about it—why a guy like him should care about some mediocre agent? Why help to avenge someone Don loved? Deliver him head in a box? Protect his career? Protect him? And not really ask him of something in return?

Rather, ask him to be his friend? Considering him his friend??

Notice that Red never asks Ressler to bend the rules for him, Red (he has means to twist them any way he wants, he doesn't need Ressler, so, in a way, Ress gets to keep his integrity intact, and Red knows how much Ress values it)—instead, he always asks him to do everything what he thinks it right and do it as legally as possible, so he'd not compromise himself. The only thing he ever asks of him is the benefit of the doubt.

Ressler also thinks that by saving his life at that hospital they’re even but Red has never told him Don’s in his debt. He saved Ressler back in Anslo just because he could. He had no reason to. But he did anyway.

Donald is perfectly aware that Red “gives to get” only. But somehow that pattern breaks with him. What reasons does Red have—except one and obvious—to constantly pull Ressler out of trouble?

Red wore Don’s mentor’s coat, a father’s, a friend’s one. But he never got anything from Ressler beyond blunt honesty, occasional half-stifled gratitude, and old-fashioned sincerity.

Think about it.

Red messing with Liz’s head, the quest, the hunt for truth… Yes, he was shielding her from consequences (and failed). And we've established his possessiveness over her. The kind one when you try to keep something you have (not necessarily want to) to fill the void—because you can’t have something you actually want.

He never meant her to die but he certainly was testing her limits. We can’t run from the fact that as much as he cherished and loved her, she was an instrument to him. And not only her—everyone around him has a weakness to exploit.

He learns the hard way that Liz didn’t have what it took to become what he wanted her to be.

And if we twist the whole thing, and put it into a wringer, we’ll see that Liz is a surrogate for Red.

He loves her, indeed, he owns her, tests her, hopes she could take his place, but, in fact, it’s not her he actually has on her mind. He may not realize it or give it much thought. But I'm sure he keeps going back to it, and something else keeps crawling back into his weary mind.

Saudade.

Something that could’ve happened but didn’t. Couldn’t happen because it was never meant to.

Someone Raymond could've had. Someone who could've been his friend. Or more than a friend.

But was never meant to.

//

Sorry for ruining your dash, the app doesn't have spoiler button. If you got here, congratz :D

[resslington-is-my-otp]

Disclaimer: the following piece is a part of my ongoing rewrite of TBL’s backstory for Raymond Reddington, and, since I'm enjoying his dynamic with Donald, I'll also include here some pieces of his backstory (also different from canon) which—I hope so—casts some light on Raymond’s and Don’s lives, their dreams, aspirations, hopes. What they hate, love, and what fears they hide beneath their exteriors.

As far as I'm concerned, their lives have always run parallel to each other. The show, unfortunately, took another path and has never bothered to explore it, but I'm actually grateful they hadn't.

Despite their backgrounds and moral compasses, these two share a profound bond,—even if, at first, they don't realize it yet. More than physical attraction or romance.

Haunted by the darkness in their hearts, they both, against all odds, reach for the light—

For hope.

*

You’ve no idea how I wish something similar, something that would truly have brought Diego’s immense talent to portraying complex emotions and inner struggles, something that has made me fall in love with him after Anslo Garrick arc, happened on TBL.

*

April, 1995.

Ressler dies in Detroit.

He loses a part of himself the night when his father gets murdered.

*

1975.

14-year old Andrew Gray (formerly known as Андрей Краснов/Andrei Krasnov) moves with his mother to Detroit to start a new life—again.

Andrei and his mother, Над��жда Краснова/Nadezhda Krasnova, now—Nadine Johnson—flee the USSR, cross the Canadian border, and end up in Detroit. They’re on the run from Владимир Гронский/Vladimir Gronsky—an abusive husband, and a so-called “father”.

*

5th of February, 1976.

Andrei dies in Detroit.

He reaches the point of no return two days shy from his 16th birthday on the 7th of February—when Vladimir Gronsky locates their new home and beats his mother up.

Andrei tries to shoot Gronsky with a handgun he’s bought for the summer job money.

Gronsky, wounded, but not dead, hurries to leave, not wanting to risk a chance being caught by the local police.

Nadezhda bleeds to death on the floor of her apartment.

Andrei flees the scene.

*

1997.

Donald forsakes his aspirations to serve in the Marine Corps. Instead, he chooses another path—Don puts all his passion into becoming an FBI agent, so he can hold accountable all those who’re to blame for his Dad’s death.

“Revenge isn’t a passion, it’s a disease.”

*

There was a condition under which Nadezhda Krasnova had convinced her old flame—a top official in the Ministry of International Affairs Сергей Родионов/Sergey Rodionov—to help her escape.

On Andrei’s 18th birthday, the Rezidentura agents will approach him, offering him a choice—to go back to Moscow, straight into Gronsky’s “care” where he’ll be abused for the rest of his life with no one to protect him, or to stay here, and become someone his mother could proud of.

And, of course—to hold up his mother’s end of the bargain.

*

1995.

Vladimir Gronsky—in the past, a respected Major General, and now—an old drunk, who’s barely making ends meet—is found dead in his apartment in Moscow.

The coroner report shows Gronsky’s body being shot up—two bullets went through his knees, one—in his groin, one—in abdomen, one—point blank between his eyes.

Gronsky’s neighbors’ statements leave the local police baffled:

No one has heard anything.

*

1997.

In an attempt to escape the suffocating memories, 18-year old Donald moves from Detroit to Chicago. He studies—part-time because after his father’s death his family was struggling to make ends meet—at the North Park University in Chicago, pursuing his Bachelor Degree in Criminal Justice, and moonlighting as a dishwasher (janitor at times) in local diners and bars.

He holds a lot of contempt towards the moneybags who frequent the establishments and throw money into the wind while he has to count every dime.

In his 3rd year of studies, Donald picks a courier job in the local police precinct. A year after—starts an internship in the same precinct, simultaneously preparing for the FBI’s Academy gruesome application process and entrance exams.

*

1980.

The Rezidentura in Washington decides it’s time for 20-year old Andrei to sail off on a longtime undercover mission.

He is a natural—despite his young age, in two years after the Rezidentura took him in, he’s made quite a leap from a street kid with rough edges and heavy Russian accent to an educated young man fluent at four languages. And—to a man who’s lethal to anyone, with or without weapons.

During his stay under Rezidentura’s protection, Andrei learns that the most valuable resource at his possession is information.

He’s spent his adolescent years in a working-class neighborhood. It wouldn’t be fair to say the street has raised him—his mother, whenever she can, between her jobs and side hustles, tries to steer his troubled heart to do the right thing and keep out of trouble—but it definitely has influenced him more than he cares to admit.

Andrei is smart enough not to mess around with local gangs, and whenever he can, he minds his own business, knowing his mother wouldn’t make it if he ends up in jail.

However, he soon discovers the existence of tight-knit neighborhoods occupied by the immigrants from the USSR. Despite his mother’s orders, he secretly visits them, hiding behind a fake first name, and connects with some of his Homeland’s people from time to time because it’s the only place he feels truly accepted. But he never makes any friendships (although he wants to)—he fears someone could rat him out to Gronsky back at home.

Andrei hasn’t been a popular kid—a loner, a stray, the “Russian weirdo”. No one has ever taken him seriously—even teachers would shrug him off as a lost cause.

Probably, that’s why he has been a good fit for the job at Rezidentura—most of his life people would not see him as a threat, spilling their secrets in his presence.

It’ll be a couple of years from now when Andrei learns the value of deep connections. With the right people, the mere fact of acquaintance can take you far—way far than robbing a bodega or pushing dope to teens would.

Andrei doesn’t see it this way yet, but the street has given him a priceless first-hand insight into an American life, making him an ideal candidate for an “illegal”—an undercover sleeper agent posing as an American citizen.

Rezidentura spends ridiculous amounts of resources to integrate new illegals into their fake-meant-to-be-real lives. It takes years for an agent to settle, to fit in with the locals, make connections, dispel any doubts. Most of the illegals have only read about the US in books or saw photographs.

But he, Andrei, is exactly the kind of a man Rezidentura needs. Especially now when the US and the USSR compete in the nuclear wepons development and the influence over the Persian Gulf.

*

To be continued.